How to Make New Friends Learn more about adult friendships, how and where to make new friends, how to make online friends, what not to do, and when you know youre friends.
How to Make New Friends.
Good friends bring so many colors of happiness in your life by relieving stress, giving comfort, and removing loneliness, says Amber OBrien, PsyD, a psychologist with the Mango Clinic in Miami.
Healthy friendships are also linked to better cardiovascular health, lower blood pressure, less depression, and a longer life.
So it never hurts to try to make new friends.
Where to Make New Friends.
Mahesh Grossman, a 62-year-old hypnotherapist and owner of Berkeley Hypnosis in Berkeley, CA, has made many friends over the years by joining peer-led meditation groups, 12-step groups, and church groups.
Everyone goes out to dinner after the meeting.
I get to know them a little bit at the restaurant.
Then I make an effort to grab a one-to-one meal with several members within the first few months, Grossman says.
This eventually leads to friendship with some of those people and more comfort with the group as a whole. You might find new friends when you: Join a group or club.
Find a local group where people with interests like yours meet regularly.
Try a book club, religious group, parent meetup, music group, or biking group.
The key is to fish in the right pond, Grossman says.
Take a class.
Sign up for a class at your local college, senior center, or gym.
Learn Italian, dancing, or a new card game.
When the topic interests you, youre likely to find people who share your passion.
Look locally.
You may be surprised by how many events are happening right in your community.
Look in your local newspaper or community bulletin boards.
Go online for neighborhood listings.
Search the name of your city plus the words social network or meetups. Volunteer.
People who work together often form strong connections.
Meet people by volunteering with a community center, charitable group, hospital, museum, or place of worship.
Join a social circle.
One of the easiest ways to meet people is to surround yourself with people who have large friend groups of their own, OBrien says.
You may already have people in your life who have a lot of friends, she says.
Join them when they invite you out.
Ask for introductions.
Take the first step and start a conversation with someone new.
Making Friends Online.
It may seem easier to make friends online because you can find people around the world who have similar interests.
If youre an introvert, online friendships may feel more comfortable.
But if you live in different areas, you cant easily meet up or hang out in person.
And online friendships may become unbalanced, where one person has a stronger emotional attachment than the other.
Making new friends online is cool and fascinating, but it can get challenging, OBrien says.
Try to set healthy boundaries to avoid problems.
How to Start a Friendship.
Friendships take time, but you can take steps to spark a relationship and nurture a connection.
Say yes.
When youre invited to a gathering or event, accept the invitation.
Return the favor by inviting them somewhere.
Extend your own invitations and ask a friend or acquaintance to get coffee or lunch.
Take the initiative.
You dont need to wait for anyone to reach out to you and take the first step.
Instead, become the kind initiator, even if youre an introvert, OBrien says.
Start the conversation.
When youre with someone youd like to know better, start a conversation.
Share something about yourself, OBrien says.
Likewise, let them share about themselves. Show interest.
Even if youre just meeting someone, you can make them feel comfortable by asking the right questions and being a good listener.
Ask open-ended questions.
Encourage them to open up by saying things like, Tell me more. Smile.
Make eye contact and smile.
Smiling while keeping good eye contact will create a positive effect on the other person, OBrien says.
Theyll feel more comfortable and interested in the conversation.
Share.
As you get to know each other, try sharing small but more personal things about yourself.
If youre open with them, it gives them permission to be open with you, Grossman says.
But dont go overboard.
Take it one step at a time.
Do a small favor.
Small acts of kindness often lead to intimacy and connection.
It doesnt have to be big or obvious, just a little gesture creates a feeling of good vibes.
Keep it going.
When you meet someone, exchange numbers.
Call or message them later.
Ask if theyd like to get together again.
Staying in touch is crucial, OBrien says.
What Not to Do.
Avoid these common missteps: Dont change who you are.
Dont act different just to fit in.
Always be yourself, genuine, and honest, OBrien says.
Dont brag.
Boasting gives people a negative impression and may be a turnoff.
Dont be too aggressive.
Coming on too strong may turn people away.
Ease in with friendly conversations before you suggest meeting up for coffee or a run.
Dont expect results right away.
It takes time to establish a strong bond between two people, OBrien says.
Do your best, but keep your expectations low. Research suggests that it may take 10 to 15 conversations before you feel like friends.
How to Know When Youre Friends.
Signs of a new friendship include: The other person starts taking the initiative and calls or messages you.
You feel comfortable and natural with them.
Youre not hesitant to share or do something in front of them.
You respond to them with empathy, and they do the same with you.
First, theres the becoming stage, where they do something to show they value your connection.
They begin to text you or invite you to something, Grossman says.
Eventually, you become hangout buddies.
And then, over time, youre in regular contact and feel like true friends.