Its like Covid-19, its everywhere: Dating apps, social media make it easy for people to swipe right into infidelity - TODAY SINGAPORE Adultery and extramarital flings are ancient vices, but with dating applications such as Tinder, and other social media platforms, a whole new world of infidelity is now an easy swipe or a click away.
Its like Covid-19, its everywhere: Dating apps, social media make it easy for people to swipe right into infidelity.
SINGAPORE Adultery and extramarital flings are ancient vices, but with dating applications such as Tinder, and other social media platforms, a whole new world of infidelity is now an easy swipe or a click away.
Easy access to dating apps and social media have made it easier for people to engage in extramarital sex A counsellor said he saw roughly a doubling of couples seeking help due to online infidelity since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic Some cases involved wives who have strayed In many cases, the online affairs are a symptom of a wider problem such as a troubled marriage and poor coping mechanisms, experts say.
Eveline Gan.
SINGAPORE Adultery and extramarital flings are ancient vices, but with dating applications such as Tinder, and other social media platforms, a whole new world of infidelity is now an easy swipe or a click away.
Marriage counsellors and therapists who spoke to TODAY said that the accessibility of online platforms has provided wider opportunities for people to engage in illicit affairs and have sex outside committed relationships with most of these activities exposed only when the person is caught.
Last week, a 47-year-old married man was jailed for engaging in paid sex acts with a 15-year-old girl he had met on Sugarbook.
The dating site links up younger women, or sugar babies, with older men who are expected to pay for their companionship.
Dr Martha Tara Lee, a relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist with Eros Coaching, said that online cheating has been happening for some time.
Although technology is an enabler, Dr Lee pointed out that it depends on how the individual uses it.
It can be used to facilitate romance in a long-term relationship or marriage, for example, for flirting, to set up time and space for romance.
Those who have the intention to (have affairs) can also use it to facilitate cheating, she said.
Besides dating apps that allow people to connect, there are also apps that facilitate timed messages that expire, providing a channel for discreet communication.
One can also find and potentially hook up with random strangers on messaging apps such as WeChat and Telegram, Dr Lee said.
There are people who try their luck as long as you have a female name, for instance. Mr Ronald Lim, head of Reach Counselling Service, said that online cheating may be harder to detect, given its discreet nature.
Coupled with easy access, it may be tempting for people who are unhappy with their relationships or are looking for excitement outside marriage.
As we are now always on our phones reading the news, texting, emailing, watching videos, the person may not know what her spouse is doing unless shes seated next to him, Mr Lim added.
Mr Kirby Chua, a counselling psychologist and coordinator at Grace Counselling Centre, has a different view.
Even though everyone now uses a smartphone, it is not true that online cheating is harder to detect, he said.
It works both ways.
Ive seen people who are caught, because their wives checked their phones or other devices that are linked to it. WHAT COUNSELLORS ARE SEEING.
Over at the Grace Counselling Centre, Mr Chua estimated that couples seeking counselling due to online infidelity have doubled since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.
Its becoming very common and Im not surprised to hear about such cases.
Its like Covid-19 its everywhere.
And its not just the guys (who are straying), he added.
In about a fifth of the cases he has seen, it is the woman who has strayed.
Most are in their 30s.
Among the cases that Mr Chua recently encountered is a Singaporean couple in their 30s who had sought professional help to save their marriage, after a family friend saw the husbands profile on Tinder.
It turned out that he was having sex with various people he had met through the dating app.
He was doing it for months and his wife never noticed.
When she found out, she was super shocked something I would consider a red flag in their marriage, Mr Chua said.
Because if they had an attuned love life, she might have seen the signs.
I believe the couple had communications issues right from the beginning (even before the affairs started). With dating apps and sites that market themselves as platforms that facilitate cheating, they normalise it as a lifestyle choice option.
However, not all the cases that Mr Chua sees cross the physical line, where the parties meet up.
Some of them are purely online or chat-based, but it still disturbs the marriage.
Some were discovered at an early stage so they werent able to escalate to a stage where they meet up and go to the next level of their liaison, he said.
I believe that since the affairs are app-based, people become emotionally distant to the activity and may not see it as cheating they have found ways to psychologically downplay what they are doing. HOW TO TELL IF A SPOUSE MAY BE CHEATING.
A telling sign that your spouse may be having an online affair is change.
For example, changes in phone usage patterns.
Suddenly, there is a password to the phone, or there is another phone all of these are signs, Mr Chua added.
Dr Martha Lee said that there are other telling signs.