Tinder and Blind A once single Tinder obsessed bad dater London girl living in Dubai, to a step-mum who bagged a boy in Dubai, now living in London A once single Tinder obsessed bad dater London girl living in Dubai, to a step-mum who bagged a boy in Dubai, now living in London Tinder and Blind.
It has taken me years to update this blog.
I have thought about doing so many times but life has well and truly got in the way, until today.
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As I come up to the final few days before I go on maternity leave with my second child (and no step-children!), I thought it is probably time to write down what a contrast my life has taken since my last post.
The last you heard from me (unless you actually know me) was that I had a boyfriend with whom Id moved from Dubai back to London, and encouraged him to get in contact with his estranged daughter, for which I would become a step mother figure to.
We were together almost four years before I broke up with him.
It was really hard for me to do, but as Covid hit and we were together 247, I realised I wasnt the person I wanted to be.
I felt like a mother in our relationship, rather than part of a team.
We had very different interests and values and I was staying because I felt a duty of care to him.
I ended up moving out and staying with an old school friend for a few months.
During which time, lockdown had opened up a bit and the only other person I knew that had a breakup in their thirties, was a colleague of mine, Max.
Max and I were work friends for a couple of years and had a lot in common in terms of our upbringing.
We would also be the ones who left the bar last and offloaded our relationship woes onto eachother, though Max actually encouraged me to stick it out and make things work with my ex, because, after all, lockdown was a whole different situation that no one had ever experienced before.
I took his advice after a couple of long lockdown walks around Regents and Hyde Park, where wed drink prosecco decanted into thermos flasks, and just chat till it got dark (I had invited my ex along to these walks but he always rejected them, telling me to go while he worked).
I really tried.
But alas, I knew deep down that I wasnt happy.
The straw that broke the camels back for me was when my grandad had a heart attack, I packed my bags and jumped in the car to drive to Devon to see him.
I didnt even think twice about my ex coming with me or not- I wanted to go alone even though he had offered to accompany me.
My grandad luckily recovered well and when I left to drive back to London, Ill never forget the words he said: sometimes the hardest things we have to do in life, turn out to be the best.
You know what Im referring to. I knew in that moment that he was referring to my relationship.
I had also walked along the beach and burst into tears to my best friends, telling them I just wasnt happy and they aired the revelation that they didnt think we were compatible.
I returned to London and broke up with my ex.
It was extremely hard, the guilt of telling him I wasnt happy- convincing him that he wasnt either.
The words my mum trusted you, referring to his late mother whom Id promised Id stand by her son and ensure he would be okay.
The guilt of now having a little girl who saw me as a sort of parental figure, that Id now be losing.
It was hard.
I leant on Max for support, as I said, I didnt know anyone else that had been through a breakup in their thirties, and he had broken up with his ex a year prior.
He went through a bout of depression after his breakup but was coming out of the other side and was a huge crutch for me.
He encouraged me to go out and do things for myself, and we planned a summer of fun now that lockdown was ending.
I had a few weddings that year and asked him to be my 1 as a mate, we thought itd just be two colleagues who were good friends, getting drunk and partying all summer- the roaring 20s as everyone was calling it- by now of course, it was 2021.
I had a cottage in the Cotwolds then, in which I went on my own to visit and get some down time to think.
Id go on long walks and just cry, feeling totally lost.
Id call friends and tell them how lost I felt.